Many parents dread the daily battle that comes when kids head back to school-homework! Homework can be a tough issue for many parents, but we view it as a great opportunity to teach our kids big life-lessons such as responsibility, delayed gratification, and time management.

Unfortunately, many parents fail to capitalize on the learning experience because they take on responsibilities that should be the child’s. These include knowing what homework is due, setting aside the time to do it, and making sure it is completed correctly and on time.  

By getting too involved, parents can rob their children of valuable experiences. They might very well get their desired result, such as their child earning a good grade, but they sacrifice an opportunity for real growth and maturity.

It’s important to understand that homework has a far greater purpose in your child’s life than learning a subject and getting a grade in a class.

This includes the skills our kids develop from being assigned a task by an outside authority, having to figure out the specifics of the assignment, being driven by a deadline, gathering the resources necessary to complete the assignment, and figuring out the amount of time necessary to get the task done correctly.  

Sometimes we get so focused on helping our child succeed that we end up robbing them of the real learning experience. Our kids need to be developing some great skills for the future that will be far more valuable than just getting a good grade.

Parents who set up an invisible safety net in the form of nagging, reminders, lectures, and advice make their children dependent upon them. By preventing or rescuing kids from mistakes, they send the message that the child’s choices are not important.  

By reminding and nagging, they prevent their children from connecting poor choices to unpleasant consequences. Worse yet, the kids often blame the parent if they drop the safety net!  

So how can you support your kids in the homework arena without taking over? Here are just a few of the suggestions we offer on our free CD "Homework".

Be an example by blocking out time to do your homework. Block off some time each day for everyone to do homework, including you. Use this time to read a book, tend to paperwork or study the Bible. Help them to concentrate by eliminating tempting distractions such as the T.V. or talking on the phone.  

Teach your kids to plan ahead and respect your time. One example would be not dashing out at 9 p.m. to get poster board. Having appropriate boundaries on your time will help them develop resource and time management skills. In addition, you will be modeling an example of saying no when it’s appropriate-something they need to learn in their own relationships.

Let them do their own work. In doing so, you send the message that you respect their potential enough to let them do it for themselves-even if they fail a few times along the way.  

Only help when asked and put limits on the kind of help you give. Let them come to you first, rather than asking them if they need any help. Limit the type of help you give to clarifying the directions, giving examples of procedures, checking the work for accuracy, or simple review questions.

Help only as long as they are treating you with respect. Homework can be frustrating, but they still need to treat you with respect. If their frustration spills over into disrespect, say, "I’m sorry you are so frustrated, but I really can’t help when you are this upset. Try me again when you’re calm."  

This school year, see homework for what it really is, a valuable life-lesson!

Chris Groff