Q:     When it comes to disrespect, how should I handle it when my child disrespects a teacher, youth pastor, or other parent? 
 
A:       I think the key thing to remember is that there should always be a consequence for disrespect. With third parties outside the family, the consequence is often taken care of by the authority (detention, benching, etc.), but if not, it is up to parents to deliver one. Maybe you could forego one of the special favors you do for your kids, like stopping for ice cream, going to the mall, or letting them borrow the car, until they demonstrate respectful behavior. You might say, "Normally, I would love to ____, but I don’t do favors for kids who are disrespectful." Be calm and empathetic and ask them, "What is a more respectful way you could have handled that situation?" That will help them learn ways to be more respectful.

Q:     How can I bring my kids up in such a way that parents and authority figures are revered instead of disrespected?
 
A:      The best way to show our kids how to be respectful is to start by treating them with respect. When we dismiss their feelings, respond sarcastically, and become overly critical, we are not modeling what it means to show respect to others. In addition, the example we set in our day to day interactions will be a far more powerful teacher than our words.

Ironically, this starts by respecting ourselves. We do this by setting boundaries with our kids and consistently following through with consequences when they go outside those boundaries. It will be hard for them to learn how to respect others if we allow them to be disrespectful to us.

Lee Long

Q&A